Following on from my July posting about 'Basic Needs' and my mention of 'scripting', here is some more information derived from Transactional Analysis that I hope you will find interesting.
Parents, among others are the people who teach us what is acceptable behaviour in both the family and the environment in which we live. Behaviour is based on the attitudes we develop and the beliefs we hold about others and ourselves. Much of this learning is not at a conscious level but is shaped by the experiences we have, the messages we receive, and the decisions we make as a consequence.
Permissions are positive messages that encourage you to grow up to like yourself, develop your personality fully and to grow up as a ‘good enough’ person - e.g. “be happy”, “be healthy”, “be yourself”, “be loving”.
Injunctions are messages that are restrictive or destructive, which stunt emotional growth and development, so you may grow up with a sense that somehow you are never good enough, either for yourself or others - e.g. “don’t show your feelings”, “don’t cry”, “don’t make a mess”.
Drivers are messages that may seem positive and socially acceptable but they can have an unpleasant sting in the tail. The message drives us on, rather than being in the driving seat yourself. “Hurry up”, “be perfect”, “try hard”, “please others”, and “be strong” are said to be the five major drivers. Sometimes we can channel these drivers in a way that is helpful but in other situations, if the driver is very strong, it may be unhelpful.
Pleasing others for example, can be pleasant and is part of human behaviour. If, however, you always try to please others (and never yourself) you are unlikely to succeed, may not receive the approval you need and feelings of bitterness, resentment and depression result.
Working on your script can put you in touch with the messages that are operating in your present situation, help you to recognise the helpful and unhelpful ones and give you the opportunity to be more in control of your life.
You can contact me via www.theconsultingrooms.co.uk or by telephone on +44 (0)1278 784490. Personal consultations are available in Burnham-on-Sea, Somerset which is easily accessible from Bristol, Bath and North Somerset, South Wales, Gloucestershire, Wiltshire, Dorset, and Devon. You will find me very close to the M5 junction 22 at Brent Knoll between Bridgwater and Weston-super-Mare. |
